Relationships

The other day I had tagged along with my mother on her way to mourn a far off family acquaintance in a town further up from our place of residence. The personal association stems more because he (the departed soul) and my late father were joint upholders of the right to know our roots and forefathers and discover the various branches of a common inherited family line.  It was therefore appropriate that my mother and I pay our last respects to the departed soul.

It is discourteous to visit such a family, glimpse at the coffin with the departed soul lying peacefully and do an about turn. What stems naturally from this would be to park yourself comfortably on one of the chairs lined up and reflect deeply on the person who had departed your company. Since I had tagged along and honestly did not have much to do with the departed gentleman, my eyes wandered on the line of people making it to the mourning while clinging on to the melodious mourning songs that filled the air.

Rarely do people come as a single representation, they normally come as a husband and wife team; that is the ones who are still alive and kicking as a team. Others like my mom chose to drag me along- reluctantly albeit. What I observed during my short time in supposed mourning is what I recount hereunder.

Teams of couple came along, some with wreaths others with their hands slinging from side to side. However I do not recollect having seen any young folks. It seemed the old people were the ones who took the brunt of the mourning on themselves envisaging a similar ending or having common cause with the departed soul. The young ones were probably busy working towards this very ending.

Sometimes the wife did a brisk walk with the husband loosely following behind. Both of them shriveled with the years under the sun but the relationship between husband and wife was very evident. The wife was the lead runner and the husband had to play catch up. The poor husband could hardly fall into a double behind his dotting wife but the eagerness to follow her was quite apparent.

He seemed to be holding on to this last piece of solace that has been allotted to him during his twilight years and he wouldn’t stake it for the world. Obedient as a student – I reflected on the times as students when we were shunted into deep obedience and reverence for our teachers. Though this was because the teacher was more knowledgeable and imparting some sense into us and our culture suited best to this role.

However here, the wife seemed to be the leader in the team, the more knowledgeable and the last nursing post for the husband. It probably was an extension of their unwritten rule never to cross swords, the unwritten rule that came into being naturally, during their initial years of courtship. The poor man had to tag along as if there was no other option. I was reminded of the similarity with a funny story that suddenly sprang to mind.

A husband and wife were trekking the mountains during their honeymoon when the wife insisted on mounting a pony as the climb exhausted her. As a young and newly married husband the man wanting to impress, volunteered to walk besides the pony that his wife was now mounted on.

At a distance the pony stumbled the wife shouted ‘that’s one’. Further up the slope the poor pony stumbled a second time, the wife shouted ‘that’s two’. After a while the pony stumbled a third time, the wife shouted ‘that’s three’ pulled out a revolver from her purse and shot the pony dead.

The husband was aghast at what happened and protested vehemently at his wife’s behavior. The wife shouted ‘that’s one’. Thereafter the relationship worked wonders and thus the unwritten rule came into force.

This second couple that I saw was entirely different, the wife hanging on to her husband as if for dear life. She wouldn’t leave here husbands hand for a second even while climbing down a flight of steps. She would gladly hold on to him as in a three legged race even if it meant stumbling. The poor husband did not have a chance to shake his dear wife off even for a minute for to quote a nursery rhyme “everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go”.

The third pair that I saw was a more common sight in the old days, the husband almost reaching the finishing point while the poor wife struggled to stay afloat, nevertheless finishing the race and reaching the tape even though panting and out of breath. Here the man considers himself to be manly and overwhelmed with his male status shooting off without so much of a thought about the wife who follows him. It would be unmanly to stop and stoop to let his wife catch up. It was as if the wife was destined to always do the catching up in life.

Another pair I noticed marched together as in a marching contingent during a Republic Day parade. They were probably equals and had by now accustomed to the fact that neither would lead from the front. All decisions would stem out of common talk and signatures had to be put jointly. They came in together offered their condolences as in a perfect fit and mingled with the known people in the crowd all like a synchronized team during the swimming pool exercise. It made me wonder whether they even had a pre nuptial agreement in place.

Now let me come to the best of them all, this peculiarity in behavior has to be gouged out of the ordinary happenings around us. It is never quite apparent, but nevertheless available to the trained eye. The couple walks together as if having their thoughts in unison. During mingling with the common friends or members in the crowd, the wife wore her natural demeanor but the husband would always glance sideways for approval. It was clear that though the race was being run jointly the performance of the husband mattered and must be vetted by the wife.

The only thing that gave them away was the side glance from the husband seeking approval. How funny to see such behavior in people. But all this has been firmed up through hard years of adjustments in married life. Those who couldn’t adjust went for adjudication and subsequent termination of bonds.

I realized how much fun it was to catch people unawares and decode them for an article. No money involved and no effort except a little bit of perseverance and keen observation. How we walk in as a couple dictates the story line for potential observers in our places of interaction, so watch out, for someone else may be deciphering our relationships however natural we may seem.