Fault in her stars
This morning newspapers carried
the story of a young girl the daughter of a highly educated and principal of an
acclaimed school in an upscale locality of New Delhi, finally ‘hanging her head
in shame’ by preferring to take her own life by hanging.
Further stories abound on how the
suicide note states that the girl was highly depressed due to her inability to
find herself a mate with a birth chart that warned suitable suitors of the
perils associated with entering into a marital alliance with her. Fearing a
future that would look bleak and unproductive on the face of an astral chart
drawn by some self-styled star gazer she gave it all up preferring to end it
all. Other stories abound how she was in a relationship and her parents were
against the match therefore she chose to exit on her own terms.
Whatever the truth, it is highly
shameful that potential suitors who would be educated in the modern
technological era would side with such a whisper. It is unsettling to admit
that in spite of progress made in this country, it is the age old belief and
faith in astrologers and birth charts that dictate terms over education that is
helping to change such inhibitions. The fact is we love to carry the baggage of
age old beliefs dipped in traditions which though sometimes worthless refuse to
drop their price tags.
Now on to the second theory that
it was probably a love story all gone wrong, which should call for an even more
severe reprimand considering the father of the dead child is a principal which
means an educationalist to the core who was obviously not practicing what he
preached. This again would stem out of age old belief of a love marriage being
secondary to an arranged marriage. This would obviously mean a child no matter
how highly educated was uneducated in matters of the heart, or maybe matters of
the heart should not be left entirely to the heart, but a heady mixture of
seeking out the pros and cons of a match which is often debated in the extended
family.
The counter argument given is
that even if individuals make a selection based on the tug at their heart
strings, it might not work out very well and a scenario could develop where
they may seek to separate. Very well, at least they know the reasons for the
separation and chose to grow apart. Such couples might even seek a second
chance at marriage given how the heart fares under the circumstances. Wouldn’t
it be better for an individual to choose his/her partner, separate if his/her
selection is wrong and move on again in life rather than cohabit with someone
who is not known to them? But do we allow our girls the freedom to choose? If
the answer is yes then the girl certainly would not have stuck her neck into
the noose.
Actor Priyanka Chopra indicated
in a recent interview how her mom wanted to see her as a bride ever since she
was a four year old. This is a psyche that is written all over us dripping within
cultural ghettos and in age old traditions practised as also, whole heartedly
embraced by the educated lot too, who see a girl child as someone else’s
property, the sooner dispensed with the better. Stories of love that go a
begging since they do not fall into the drawing board of a parent’s imagination
and growth plans for a girl.
Before a marriage the birth
charts are exchanged so that individual astrologers owing allegiance to both
the families can examine the fault in the stars, even after this if you fail miserably
then it is because the couple were at fault not the birth chart or the consulting
astrologers. In rural areas, village elders sit in a semi circle and declare
marriages as void and choose to allow or disallow a marriage that is otherwise
perfectly legal and without fault.
Where is the fault? it is
certainly not in the stars, it certainly was not in the poor girls stars, it
was the lack of understanding of human emotions, stubborn resistance to grow
with and practice education, reluctance to discard the astrologers and future
tellers and ignore the elderly advise of groups of village elders who are in no
way bound legally or emotionally to the parties that are affected.
Let us practice education within
our family confines, also let us allow the girl child to blossom as an ordinary human being without
putting fetters to her feet right after she is born. For that we must first
scrape out the falsely embedded and superficially coated traditions, we must
let education determine our prejudices and we must cleanse our thoughts about
the girl child being a commodity that must change hands.
23rd October 2014
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