Adios to the night
As the chill of the night bites
deeper into my bones, I lay tucked up in bed waiting for the darkness to melt
away into the still of the night, to be enveloped by the first rays of the
morning sun like cream poured into a cup of tea, memories come fleeting through
the channels of my mind, some that were worth cherishing and some not worth
reminiscing.
The days gone by had knocked on
the conscience of my heart, tugged at my purse strings and countered the
numerous silent arguments that churned in my mind. Events that had me engaged
in rapt attention and happenings that cause me to flinch. I had begun the year
chirpier than the past, since the New Year had bought along with it countless
possibilities. Numerous and endless avenues seemed to open up promising a
smooth road as if riding a racing car on a simulator.
But the agonising pain of
dejection and defeat seems like a weight on my chest. The numerous occasions
when it seemed so near yet turned out to be far out of reach. The initial
enthusiasm turning into anxiety and disbelief, the self-pity that runs in our
hearts after having failed to make the mark. The biting cold a reminder of
these intense feelings that surface once again and bite with telling effect.
Could things have been different? Could they have been done differently? Alas
time has fretted away and what I am left with is a hope for the morrow, a
morrow that will encapsulate these feelings in the New Year. They hurt for sure, but at least let me try to
purge it into the dark and still night.
However, the sweet memories or
deja vu, the numerous occasions that I had exhilarated seemed not far away. The
thrill of usurping power in office situations, the sigh of relief at being
co-opted into prestigious positions, the warmth of quiet friendships amidst the
din and gloom, the reciprocator high fives that went up each time I was able to
register myself, and the deep sense of joy at attaining the unimaginable. These
moments of happiness refuse to melt away into the darkness or the still of the
night.
How about the moments of
satisfaction or anguish at events happening around us? What about the moment of
triumph? How we felt inwardly content at the happenings, though it did not
relate to us directly. The feeling of contentment was a result of alleviation
of suffering, of humanity having been the victor, of hopeless situations
transgressing the boundaries of inhospitable and bumpy terrain that which
seemed out of bounds to the protagonists not so long ago. Or those moments of anxiety and anguish,
would the truth bare out? Would the end be a happy one? Would truth prevail or
would goodness go unrewarded?
The thought of death and
destruction, so unwanted, so worthless, why did it have to happen? Couldn’t it
have been stalled or negated? Why are those chasing death and destruction not
for a moment thinking of the human race, why do we have to get into a bitter
rage? If only we could have kept it a little under control, if only we could
have implemented the numerous tricks taught to us by our peers and elders to
keep rage under control. What If I had delayed the inevitable, what if I had
tarried a little longer keeping my rage hidden?
The darkness engulfs me and I
recede into a slumber leaving the question marks still hanging, but deep inside
me knowing that the adios will not end with the passing of this year, it will
remain a possibility at the end of the much anticipated and awaited New Year.
What will definitely remain with us is
the joy the sorrow, the temptations, the delights, the sorrow, the mean
actions, the cunning ways, the offsetting attitudes, the caring ones, the
inbuilt rage, the cool tempers and the freshness of the morning when we wake up
to the new year with new resolutions.
If only we are able to control
our emotions, if only we are able to think clearer, if only we are more humble
in our ways, if only we are more accommodative, if only we are more welcoming,
if only we are indifferent to minor discrepancies, if only we could force a
smile, if only we could spread our love, the New Year will be a lot more
pleasant and the swan song at the end of the year will be less remorseful. This
will make today’s adios more enriching and the anticipation more meaningful.
---WISH YOU ALL A WONDERFUL
AND BLESSED NEW YEAR---
31st December, 2013
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