Forgive me for I do
not know what I’ve done
These could very well have been
the last words uttered by the rapist and child abductor Ariel Castro before he
hung to his death in a prison cell in Ohio.
I am reminded of his final day in
the court room in Cuyahoga after having entered a guilty plea bargain. When
faced by the very girls who he had abducted, he asked for forgiveness and
described himself as a hard working guy who had worked hard as a normal person
for over 20 years which showed glimpses of a normal person lurking somewhere
inside him, even as the judge computed his sentence. He never seemed nervous and was even seen
arguing with the judge when the judge was reading out his observations and
reasons for the conviction and subsequent punishment.
Ariel Castro was a man who thought
he lived a normal life and considered himself to be a person who was just like
the rest of us. To him the abduction of a couple of girls did not seem to be
outrageous, nor had he contemplated the law catching up with him. He swaggered
along in daily life as a contended soul, who now had the comfort of having
slave girls to fulfil his sexual desires. To him it was nothing unnatural. He
had the urge to be violent at times and the urge to be addicted to pornography
and sex, and to him all that was part of a normal life, since he did not
realise the extent of his sickness.
This explains why he was arguing
with the judge. Any normal being would have kept quite in front of a judge,
especially when he knew beforehand the enormity of the sentence that was to
follow. I am sure his lawyers would have briefed him even before he entered a
plea bargain and explained to him the pros and cons of taking that route. They
must have also explained to him the chances of getting off the hangman’s noose
and avoiding trial due to the plea bargain.
It was while in prison he
realised the enormity of his crime and the past came to haunt him. He was bound
to the confines of space both in physical terms and in mental terms that which were
not to his liking. He did not have the freedom of choice, nor could he indulge
in his favourite addictions of sex and sensual pleasure derived out of his
addiction to pornography. He suddenly realised the folly of having spent life
in the wasted lane where all his achievement counted to naught, where he had neither
friends nor relatives. His very own shunned him and were disgraced by his
actions. His assets and valuables were surrendered to the state and he was laid
bare naked for all to see and despise.
Suddenly the world came crashing
down on him, the things he thought as normal were being held to scrutiny by
society and the courts. He thought that a part of life spent in playing by the
rules prescribed by society, would exempt him for his misdemeanours. As
explained in court he was sick and he needed to be treated, but the problem was
that he did not realise this sickness even while the going was good for him, it is
only when he was cornered and bound hat he realised there was a problem.
Alas if he or his kin or friends
had realised that he was man prone to violent moods and madness and addicted to
sex and pornography, maybe something could be done. Had he confessed to his
inner trauma and acknowledged his addictions he might have been saved. The cure
to any ailment is to know and accept that you are having a problem and need
treatment. In the case of Ariel Castro sadly, neither did he nor his friends,
kin or society realise that the man was sick and needed correction.
If only someone would have
realised, society and the girls would have been saved the pain and suffering
and ignominy of having lived through this episode. Anyway now it is too late
and he has decided to terminate his own suffering, the suffering borne out of
the fact that realisation has dawned but albeit too late to necessitate
corrective measures. He was doomed to a life in jail and what he did was to break
the shackles of his misery, the shackles of non-realisation and indulgence,
sickness and problems that was staring him in the face and which could not be
erased from memory no matter how.
Robin Varghese
4th September 2013
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